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Expert or Fan? Aggressive or Fan?

April 28, 2009 9 comments

writing

As I wake up the the morning after speaking with Morithei, my mind is still besieged with whirling thoughts. One of the things I can see myself as trying not to be an expert so early. My childhood is filled with the images of experts being the statues of the philosopher, or like Confucius…people who reach somewhere after a long journey/years of diligence. That is actually kinda foolish as I think about it now. Experts are either considered knowledgeable about the topics they talk about, after months of reading, researching it  or not.

Even though I spent that many years watching that anime, I have certain pride in it.. but even then I believe it is nothing to really talk about.  The scope of the world around me is limitless yes, but is it fun to be an expert in animes? I find experts to being obnoxious and self-centered. Certainly I don’t think that the experts would imagine themselves to being obnoxious, but it is after a long time of their studies and work. To hear that of other people judging other people, yes it would be an issue that I believe I don’t want to face.

I see the various publications that come with academic and anime. People trying to bring a serious note to this industry, and while I am pretty interested in it. Having purchased this, this and this in the past. I don’t usually practice what I preach. Still to read what I buy and try to walk the walk than talk the talk is a little hard to handle after the real life issues.There’s an issue in my field and others, known as information overload – to literally get overwhelmed with information – I get that a lot, and with all the headaches and migraines I have. I can’t help but try not to waste my time.

Even though it would go against my goal of eventually writing a book. I find that my life is always filled with moments of being certain or uncertain. The safe way is to go with the uncertain aspect. That way it doesn’t appear that you are making a fool of yourself, it also comes with the fear of putting that damn foot in your mouth. I believe that I am quite self-aware, but have always had a hard time comprehending certain things as to other things. I see my friend as starting to become an expert for the fact that she collects every bl-book published out there. She will eventually read the books that she collects, but even now I find her very cool for that aspect. That is an otaku in perspective. I recall reading the Genshiken book, and knowing that an otaku is a collector.. and certainly that. I still see myself riding that wave of trend. Oh there are moments I make purchases… that I would look back and wonder why. But so far it has been only one thing.. those Chopper/DragonBall Keycahins..

I believe I am an fan with a pride toward liking what I like. But aggression is when you have evidence, and a passion to drive you? It is somewhat similar to the concept of extrovert and introvert. Such is a superficial comparison, as there are too many people to get to know to make sure you are one either an introvert or an extrovert. I like to be recognized for what I do, but I don’t like to go out of my way to label myself as such. I Even on my facebook page, I always mention the concept of trying to cope with trials of life.

But as for being an expert, I wonder if at this time being, I am a sponge – trying to gain all the information that is out there, and then spreading it to over people? It is an occupational hazard though, and if the goal of mine is to become an expert, I believe that there are still many years to go. As a enthusiast I am pretty comfortable with that fact. Podcasts are interesting though, and would definitely means that you can make a name in the anibloggingsphere. I am actually pretty happy that I was asked to do one. I don’t want to drag the ship down on that one tho. So if I get the chance though.. it is an opportunity I would like to take. For opportunity is chance.

I can’t believe this is all my musings and thinking about what exactly is public speaking, and I can only remember to back when i was a president of an honor society. I tried to be seen as dependable and encouraging, and so I was always faced with moments of being seen as mouthpiece. But is is something that I am willing to do. I am blaming in the fact that I believe that I am a mixture of girl next door, with feral and whiny quality. Recently I read this post, and was kinda pleased that I got included in the line up, so in essence I will be trying to make myself a bit more in the forefront of things. As things get older, and times will change, one must Carpe Diem or it would be a situation of Que Sera Sera.

Categories: Personal

Ahh.. the muse of self-identification?

April 28, 2009 2 comments

broken_mirror

Okay after a very long Twitter, then Skype conversation with Moritheil, I am left with questions of who are you in a perspective/nutshell? I haven’t been asked this question in a very long time. So I was hesitant to answer, and was  more comfortable in using they, he or she said. I believe this is second or third person speech, grammatically speaking.  Moritheil commented that this wasn’t a healthy thing to be faced with. So with a history of failed visits to the therapist, that I quit two years ago. The question that was never really answer.. is how to change? It is not going to be changes in an instance, and would either happen with age, or maybe not at all.. but who am I?

If you asked other people, they would say a hyper enthusiastic, energetic person. My last college roommate referred to me as a Chipmunk on crack. A bouncy personality, with an unspoken desire to be accepted in spite of faults. If I don’t change, then I would imagine myself being old and by myself years from now.

I’ll probably use some examples, but I believe you see yourself in different situations, scenario – where you don’t expect much people to ask that much of you, but then the matter is to conduct yourself with diligence, and professionalism. You have a different mindset or appearance about some things, but are unwilling to talk about it, in fear of one you be a know it all, or two.. wrong type of people to speak with. You desire to have the world, but things will happen, and you forgot it.

These are some of the issues I face, and continue to question, but now the question is who am I, makes me wonder about a lot things. I kinda wish that I can express myself a bit better, online as I am to when I see some people face to face. So like a broken mirror, I do I see shards of myself. I am trying to be a practical and realistic person with an awareness that things are not going to be the same for some aspects will inevitably change. I don’t want to be a bitter person, faced with dislike of the poverty that will either crush my family or crush self. I must be able to obtain a sense of focus for what I like and dislike. To express it is to show an opinion/intelligence. I want to be able to make smart decision, that won’t let me down. I want to learn things, to the point of where my mind can handle it. I want to be able to move independent of the self. I want to be able to take opportunities to grow, even though I am having major self-worry. Jump first, and ask questions later? Or be a doubting person?

Now, if I don’t sleep, then it would be a bad aspect for  my health, no matter how often I think the worst of sleeping. Tis nearly 4:30ama again, and once again, a sleeplness night. And that was a tangent thinking.

Categories: Personal
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