Home > Personal > Ahh.. the muse of self-identification?

Ahh.. the muse of self-identification?

broken_mirror

Okay after a very long Twitter, then Skype conversation with Moritheil, I am left with questions of who are you in a perspective/nutshell? I haven’t been asked this question in a very long time. So I was hesitant to answer, and was  more comfortable in using they, he or she said. I believe this is second or third person speech, grammatically speaking.  Moritheil commented that this wasn’t a healthy thing to be faced with. So with a history of failed visits to the therapist, that I quit two years ago. The question that was never really answer.. is how to change? It is not going to be changes in an instance, and would either happen with age, or maybe not at all.. but who am I?

If you asked other people, they would say a hyper enthusiastic, energetic person. My last college roommate referred to me as a Chipmunk on crack. A bouncy personality, with an unspoken desire to be accepted in spite of faults. If I don’t change, then I would imagine myself being old and by myself years from now.

I’ll probably use some examples, but I believe you see yourself in different situations, scenario – where you don’t expect much people to ask that much of you, but then the matter is to conduct yourself with diligence, and professionalism. You have a different mindset or appearance about some things, but are unwilling to talk about it, in fear of one you be a know it all, or two.. wrong type of people to speak with. You desire to have the world, but things will happen, and you forgot it.

These are some of the issues I face, and continue to question, but now the question is who am I, makes me wonder about a lot things. I kinda wish that I can express myself a bit better, online as I am to when I see some people face to face. So like a broken mirror, I do I see shards of myself. I am trying to be a practical and realistic person with an awareness that things are not going to be the same for some aspects will inevitably change. I don’t want to be a bitter person, faced with dislike of the poverty that will either crush my family or crush self. I must be able to obtain a sense of focus for what I like and dislike. To express it is to show an opinion/intelligence. I want to be able to make smart decision, that won’t let me down. I want to learn things, to the point of where my mind can handle it. I want to be able to move independent of the self. I want to be able to take opportunities to grow, even though I am having major self-worry. Jump first, and ask questions later? Or be a doubting person?

Now, if I don’t sleep, then it would be a bad aspect for  my health, no matter how often I think the worst of sleeping. Tis nearly 4:30ama again, and once again, a sleeplness night. And that was a tangent thinking.

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Categories: Personal
  1. April 30, 2009 at 3:16 am

    I am a wretched, miserable asshole. I am bitter, nihilistic, etc. People tend not to believe me though. I have no goals in life and no motivation — quarter-life crisis, I suppose, but that’s just feels like putting a convenient label on something thoroughly depressing to make it slightly less depressing.

  2. miz
    April 30, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Ah yes.. wretched isn’t it..(I love that word wretched, makes me think of Hitchikers Guide) well at least you’re not in a situation where it is like a pack race, and you’re trying to keep your cool and then not label everything in sight.. also not paying money out of your nose to try and keep current with things, meaning in education for a second degree all the while with a part time job in this really crappy economy.

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